Join us starting Thursday, May 29th for
“Love and Pain: Queer and Trans lives and relationships after religious trauma”
This title, “Love and Pain”, makes me cringe-laugh. It’s so melodramatic but accurate!!!
In this new monthly online peer support group, we'll take a deep dive into religious trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, and their effects on our adult relationships. We'll talk about ALL kinds of relationships (family, friends, dating, parenting, work, everything).
These sessions are open to Queer/Trans folks and strong allies. Just $5-10 per session, no one turned away for lack of funds. First group is meeting 6:30pm-8:00pm Pacific time, but we’ll add a 4:30pm Pacific/6:30pm Eastern session if there is demand (contact Mary if 6:30pm Eastern would work for you).
No boring meetings here!!! We’ll be VERY interactive, with lots of activities, quizzes, Q & A, art projects, etc. Plan to be on camera most of the time, but you don't have to share anything if you don't want to.
I love this image, because it’s kind of rustic and pretty (I took the photo myself), but also it literally might be poison oak. —Mary
We'll talk about how religious trauma affects our adult relationships, including:
People-pleasing, giving too much, not asking for help
Internal perfectionism, self-criticism
Difficulty setting and maintaining strong boundaries
Being susceptible to gaslighting
Not realizing that something upset us until hours/days/months later
Some of us have a history of being in abusive adult relationships
We'll also talk about navigating relationships with our families of origin, with special focus on the confusing mixed messages we sometimes get from them:
Family members who love you (but vote in ways that harm you)
"We love the sinner but hate the sin"
"It's just same-sex attraction. Don't act on it"
They want you at the wedding/Christening/family reunion, but they want the "old" you, not the real you.
You hold back parts of yourself, especially your queer/trans parts, so that they won’t be uncomfortable.
We'll talk about coexisting factors, including:
Narcissistic family dynamics in which the whole family caretakes one person (usually a parent, often an abusive parent)
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in which you may have lots of empathy while your caregivers may have very little
Complex trauma, and the complex attachment wounds that come from these family dynamics (God loves you, but you have to be exactly what he wants you to be)"We love the sinner but hate the sin"
For those who need it, we'll talk about how to decide if you want to go low-contact or even no-contact.
If, like me, you're LGBTQ+ (or an ally) and your family members are MAGA/conservative/right-wing religious, this monthly support group is for you. Why don't they understand that they're hurting us? How can we live more fully and freely as adults? Let's talk about setting boundaries, C-PTSD, healing attachment wounds, and whether or not to go no-contact. Cameras mostly on, please.
This is a peer support space and a community offering. $5-$10 per session, 90 minutes, no one turned away for lack of funds. Contact Mary if you need a free spot. Credit/debit cards and PayPal accepted.
Led by Mary Clark, Queer Religious Trauma Coach. One-on-one coaching also available.
FAQs:
Why are allies welcome? Why isn't it just for LGBTQIA2S+ people?
We welcome straight/cis allies who are raising LGBTQ+ kids, supporting queer siblings, teachers who want to support their trans students, etc. Also, lots of religious trauma survivors question for a long time before coming out as LGBTQ+ themselves. Some folks are still wondering about their own identities, and they’re welcome to join us and be immersed in queer/trans community. No one should have to “out themselves” while they’re figuring themselves out. We need strong allies, so they are welcome in this group.
I'm really shy/busy. Can I just turn my camera off and listen while I drive/work/cook dinner??
Not this time. In this particular group, we're getting to know each other and creating a safe space for everyone. Mary hosts other things where it would be okay to keep your camera off, but this one is a community gathering, with an emphasis on community. Having someone lurk with their camera off in this particular group would make Mary (and possibly others) feel unsafe.
However, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to! You’re welcome to hang out quietly with us, mostly on-camera, for as many sessions as you want. We hope to eventually get to know you, but even if you never share anything, you’re welcome here.
How do you accommodate people's differences around hearing, speaking, etc?
Captions are always enabled, and you're welcome to type into the chat if that's better for you than speaking. Many of us are neurodivergent, and a couple of us have Situational Mutism. We're happy to get creative, so please let Mary know in advance if there is anything else I can do to make the group more accessible for you.
What are you doing to make this space safe for BIPOC folks?
That’s a really good question. I (Mary) am a white-bodied person. I try to be very aware of the areas where I have privilege (race, citizenship, language, etc.) and the areas where I do not have privilege (being queer and gender nonconforming, disabled, chronically ill, and neurodivergent). I try to use my mix of privileges and marginalizations to understanding other people’s experiences, so that I can treat everyone with curiosity and respect.
So I am still learning. For example, my experience of religious trauma came within a very racist (although racially diverse) community. I have taken several classes about Religious Trauma that were taught by BIPOC folks, and they have helped me be more aware of just how much I don’t know. Specifically, the religions that I know the most about are the religions associated with colonization, which is tricky. I probably am not the best fit for everyone, but I’ll keep learning, doing my best, and being up-front about the areas where I lack knowledge and perspective.
That said, I will do everything I can to make sure that every single person is treated with dignity and respect, that everyone has a chance to share, that mouthy and privileged people take a step back, that we make room for marginalized people, and that no hate speech will be tolerated, ever. And I welcome feedback on how to do better.
How to sign up (below)
Select your time zone (fine print, under “Select Class”)
Click the “Book” button
Enter your name, phone (optional), and email address
Enter payment info: credit/debit card or PayPal
Full price is $10. To get the $5 sliding-scale price, after entering payment info, click on “Package, gift, or coupon code”, enter code “5off” and click “apply”. No one is turned away for lack of funds. To attend for free, or if you have questions, contact Mary here.
Find out more about LGBTQ+ Religious Trauma coaching here