Betrayal
Betrayal can be one of the toughest and most traumatic experiences to recover from, because of how complicated it is.
There are usually a lot of old memories to re-process, because we thought that we could trust the person/people, and it turns out that things weren't what they seemed.
We usually also have to deal with something like guilt, because it feels like we have let ourselves down in some way (how did I not know? Why did I not see it? Why did I trust someone untrustworthy? Am I gullible?).
There's usually a lot of fear for the future, because we don't want it to ever happen again. Suddenly, the world may seem unsafe. We may start to wonder if we can safely trust anyone at all.
And for most of us with a strong spiritual leaning, we sometimes pressure ourselves to forgive too soon (or we don't allow ourselves to be truly angry to begin with). That can SEEM like a good idea, but can actually make it harder to heal, because it turns out that anger is a natural (and even healthy) feeling for human beings when we've been betrayed or had our boundaries crossed. It helps to warn us that we’re in some kind of danger. But some of us believe that anger is not "spiritual" and that we should not be attached to anything at all, including our own sense of safety.
If you’ve experienced betrayal, know that you absolutely can heal. The pain will not last forever, as long as you get the help you need in unraveling the traumatic aspects of it. Be really kind with yourself and really honest with yourself. Don't try to rush anything. And I strongly advise getting some kind of professional help if you can, because betrayal is a really thorny and complex one. It can make your whole life feel shaky for a while. Professional coaching or therapy from someone who is unbiased can be immensely helpful in sorting it out.
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No advice is perfect for every situation. Want help figuring out your own life and relationships? I offer relationship coaching from a gentle, never dogmatic, trauma-informed, Relationship Anarchist perspective. I do all of my sessions through Zoom or by phone. If you’re interested, click on over to my Coaching page to see if we’re a good fit, or ask me a question on my Contact page.
