One-on-One Coaching on Zoom“Should I Go No-Contact?”
For Queer/Trans Ex-Evangelicals
and other Religious Trauma survivors
Learn how to navigate your confusing, dysfunctional, homophobic/transphobic family (they probably mean well, but oof!)
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Fern and forest near Portland, Oregon
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Let's talk on Zoom! I'm goofy and fun and easy to talk to.You’re gonna feel so much better after just 8 weeks!
You are such an amazing person, and you deserve to be loved wholeheartedly, exactly as you are.
In a way, how people love you is your responsibility: Every minute you spend caretaking people who don’t treat you well, is a minute where you can’t find and enjoy the wholehearted, mutual, kind, compassionate love and empathy that you deserve. I say this because I’ve been there.
It's still affecting youThe Evangelical Church taught you:
The Evangelical church taught you low self-esteem, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. This is the "internal dogma" that is still inside you. It's fucking up your life and your relationships. It's going to keep fucking things up until you deconstruct it. You could deconstruct it by yourself, but it would take a long long time, and I don't want you to have any more dumpster fire relationships while you slowly un-learn this on your own. Please get some help. I can help with this, and it's my specialty, but if you don't get help from me, please get help from someone.
Nature’s first green is gold/Her hardest hue to hold —Robert Frost
You've grown and changedYou’ve already tried Therapy, and Books, and Videos, and more…
If you already have a therapist, that's great, keep going! If that therapist is not queer/trans-friendly enough, or doesn't know enough about your religious background, I can try to help you find someone who is a better fit! But in the meantime, I can help you get results faster. I have helped hundreds of people with this. Spend 8 weeks talking with me, deconstructing these hurtful relationship habits (low self-esteem, perfectionism, and people-pleasing) from the comfort of your own home, on Zoom, from anywhere in the world. Believe it or not, we'll have fun! Start with a free 30-minute Zoom consultation. We can talk about how I work, you can get to know me, and see if we're a good fit to work together.
I'm funny, irreverent, and very easy to talk to. I cuss quite a bit in sessions. You can show up organized, or really really messy, I don't care. We'll laugh and cry and talk together. I'll tell you the ups and downs of my own long life and relationships (I've had dumpster fires too, believe me), and I'll use my decades of experience to help you figure out what YOU want to change in your self and your relationships.
White trillium flower near Portland, Oregon
You may not believe me yet, but this is actually going to be fun (mostly)
Well, fun and sometimes hard, but always worth it.
Mary Clark, Queer Religious Trauma Coach,
Professional Queerdo
Who am I?Mary Clark (she/they)
I’m a queer, gender-non-conforming, neurodivergent, fat ex-Evangelical weirdo. I left the church when I was 18 (about 40 years ago) and I’m still recovering. I live in Portland, Oregon, but my clients are all over the world.
I’ve helped hundreds of people along the journey of advanced religious deconstruction and trauma healing. I work with mostly queer/trans religious trauma survivors, but allies are welcome too!
I think my greatest strengths are that I listen really carefully, ask just the right questions, and then help you get perspective. I grew up in a sexist, authoritarian, homophobic family that loved James Dobson’s “Focus on the Family” and “Dare to Discipline”. I’ve got the emotional scars to prove it. I understand what it’s like to grow up in church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, choir practice on Wednesdays, and youth group and Bible study and Church camp and Vacation Bible School… and I know what a hole it leaves in your life when you have to leave it all behind.
I was that kid who behaved perfectly but also questioned everything. It drove my parents nuts, and they tried even harder to control me, but it’s hard to control a child whose worst offense is asking you why your version of Christianity is so racist and sexist and why I’m not allowed to study science.
I’m irreverent, funny, and I often cuss during coaching sessions. I’m also approachable and easy to talk to, and I can’t wait to meet you.
Want to get started?How to work with me:
Make an appointment for a free 30-minute Zoom consultation. You can ask me questions, and get a feel for how I work. I'll explain how my work is different from therapy. There will not be a sales pitch. I don't do sales pitches. After our free Zoom, I'll send you a link that lets you sign up for my 8-week coaching plan. If you choose to sign up, you'll pay $245 when you sign up, and another $245 four weeks later ($490 total). You can use a credit/debit card or PayPal. We'll meet once a week, for 75 minutes each time. You'll have optional homework in between sessions, and you can email me any time for questions or extra support.
If weekly sessions is too frequent, let me know. We may be able to spread them out over time. Also, I sometimes have sliding-scale appointments available at reduced cost if you're low-income. Ask me for details.
I'll send you a free workbook full of exercises that you'll complete in between sessions. All of this is optional, and you're never "in trouble" if you don't do your "homework". You're in charge. Let me know how I can help you get the most out of this, but without pressure.
Big changes in a short time...After your 8-week coaching package:
After 8 sessions, you and I will know each other really well, and you'll have a comfortable, established, fun relationship with me. So if you want support with this or anything else in the future, we can just schedule some more sessions at any time (currently $75 per 75-minute session, or cheaper if we create a new multi-session package).
After 8 weeks, you'll be so much less susceptible to love-bombing, bread-crumbing, and gaslighting. You'll know who you are and what you're worth. You'll be so much better at saying "Bye!" to anyone who doesn't treat you well, whether it's in love or dating or at work. You won’t take on guilt that doesn’t belong to you.
You're welcome to contact me here with more questions, but really, the best thing is to just go ahead and schedule that free Zoom call to see if we're a fit. I promise you, I'm a funny, kind, wonderful queerdo. I'm easy to talk to. I'm queer, gender non-conforming, neurodivergent, non-monogamy-affirming, and my clients are every conceivable form of LGBTQ2SIA+++! I don't usually toot my own horn, but I'm really fucking good at this! Let's Zoom, so you can see if you want my help! --Mary
Me at age 18 in San Francisco, right after I left home
What my clients are saying:
“Mary is understanding and empathetic to what a queer person growing up under an abusive religious doctrine has experienced, because she has lived it.”
“I struggled with the the abusive church I was raised in and bought into for so many years, and all of the aftermath of that, so I was nervous to dive into so many personal things with someone new. Through listening, sharing and advising she helps navigate through the messy process. Because of our work together, I’ve been able to make better decisions with work - installing and keeping boundaries and not overworking myself (as much). Slowly I’m developing more boundaries with my family as well.” — Melissa W.
“Talking to you is very easy and you always seem to understand the jumble that comes out of my mind so I don't feel like I have to slow down.”
“I still deal with depression but its much better managed and I don't feel as if I'm doing something wrong for having more normal thoughts and situations that most people go through. You've also helped me realize I'm not a failure (or its various synonyms) for feeling the way I do.” — Stevan T.
"For those struggling with religious trauma, Mary is incredible and one-of-a-kind.”
“I will always be grateful for the way she has helped me to process some of the most difficult parts of my life, while also finding the courage to grieve, grow, and move forward into a better and more healed future. I would recommend her to anyone looking for a safe place to land, well-researched and thoughtful perspectives on religious trauma, or for those just wanting to feel a little less alone.” — M.B.
“I jumped out of the frying pan of fundamentalist Christianity, into the fire of Mormonism, left them both, and found myself pursuing social justice work as if it was a new religion. I had been unhappy for so long, and I had a string of unhappy relationships behind me.
I had come out as queer, and then as genderqueer, and then as a relationship anarchist, but it still felt like my old religious programming was hounding me. Thank you for helping me un-pack it all. It’s been hard work, but so worth it. I take care of myself now. I rest. I only keep relationships that are healthy and mutual. It’s amazing how much better life is when I know what I want and am actually willing to work toward my own joy, lol. Who’d have thought?” — Max: Boulder, Colorado, USA
“Mary is the absolute best and I can’t say enough about how much she has helped me. She deeply cares about people and she offers support, wisdom, and useful insight. She gives people concrete tools to work with too. Even during the depths of this pandemic, she manages to impart a sense of peace, calm, and hope. Mary clearly has a heartfelt passion for helping others. A bit about me: I am a tough nut to crack. And I have a graduate degree in clinical social work. It takes a lot for me to recommend anyone as a coach or therapist, but I recommend Mary without reservation.”
— Laura: Portland, Oregon USA
“You have helped me so much in my relationship to myself and to other people. You gave me the confidence to dig deep, and to know what is authentic for me. I’m a better parent, a better partner to all my partners… as a former Catholic, I now hold my boundaries better and I know more about who I am. I did this work myself, and I’m so proud, but you helped me do it so much better.”
—Irma: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil