Anger is necessary

I had to learn the hard way that anger is sometimes NECESSARY to my mental health. I had been trying to "rise above it" and forgive immediately, and it turns out that my refusal to feel anger was harming me. This whole "If you're a good person, you'll be full of love and forgiveness all the time, no matter what" thing gets weaponized in our society, especially against women, BIPOC people, and all marginalized folks. It’s bullshit.

Am I saying that I want to hold onto it forever? Of course not. But I tried to not feel it at all, and that was really, really harmful. It caused me to not protect my own body, and my own most basic boundaries.

Don’t shame me if this seems overly obvious. Maybe you grew up with anger as a part of your life, but I was one of those “love and light” people. I tried so hard to let everything flow past me. I’ve learned a lot about anger in the last few years, and I see its value now. If you’re angry, you’ll get no shame from me.

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No advice is perfect for every situation. Want help figuring out your own life and relationships? I offer relationship coaching from a gentle, never dogmatic, trauma-informed, Relationship Anarchist perspective. I do all of my sessions through Zoom or by phone. If you’re interested, click on over to my Coaching page to see if we’re a good fit.